Tag Archives: advice

Therapeutic Dog Bed, $299.00

Dear Dave is a series in which I address poor reviews of consumer goods in the advice column tradition of Dear Abby or Dear Sugar. Aren’t most online reviews a cry for help, anyway?

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Dear Dave,
I bought this bed to keep my hairy beast off the furniture, figuring it was cheaper than replacing the couch. She still prefers the couch, the kitchen floor, the bedroom rug, anything, to this bed. The cat, however, seems to like it. The Extra Large would have probably fit 2 St. Bernards- it’s really big. And it is very very difficult to put together. I’m afraid now to wash it in case I can’t figure out how to put it back together. I’m very sorry I incurred such an expense because it’s not being used.
Frustrated
Western NY

Dear Frustrated,

Married couples are sometimes like citizens in closed countries. Think North Korea. Or the Soviet Union. They have alternate realities. People live there, they walk around, go to work, stand in food lines, fear the police. They do many of the same things that all people do, just in a closed-off parallel world. The citizens don’t know how different they are because their contact with other countries is all rumor and whispers. They suspect there’s something more, but they don’t know what it is. That sounds a little like your marriage, Frustrated. In your marriage country it’s ok to refer to your wife as a dog or “hairy beast”. And maybe she does have quite a bit of hair. However, it sounds like she prefers the floor or the rug instead of the bed because she doesn’t want to sleep with you! Out here, in the wonderfulfilling™ world of internet content and consumerism, she could remove that hair and you could find a therapist for men’s issues. In fact, that’s my recommendation. Seek therapy before you end up married to the cat. On a side note, we also wash our bedding out here in the modern world. Despite our fears of getting the fitted sheet back on the bed.

Best,

Dave

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Downing Tote, $168.00

Dear Dave is a series in which I address poor reviews of consumer goods in the advice column tradition of Dear Abby or Dear Sugar. Aren’t most online reviews a cry for help, anyway?

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Dear Dave,

I read over the description of this tote several times and didn’t realize there was no inside pocket. I was disappointed because the leather is so soft and the flat bottom makes this tote useful. There is an attached wallet but that is just too inconvenient for cellphones, etc. The strap length is good — can be easily put over shoulder but also comfy to carry with the handles over the arm. The quality is good. Just one pocket inside would make it perfect.

Love the leather

Louisiana, USA

Dear Love the Leather,

Guess what? Totes, (a strange word for boyfriends, but curiously accurate in many cases), do not always come as advertised. I know you love that so-soft leather. (We usually refer to that as skin.) Flat bottoms are nice, too. (You said “useful” but I’ll leave the utility of a flat bottom to the reader’s imagination.) You may be a little too interested in that attached wallet, however. Chasing the money is not always a good idea. Why do you want to keep your cellphone in his wallet anyway? You certainly have no problem with imagination, Love the Leather, and that’s why I chose your letter out of the thousands I receive. Imagination can be good. Or, not so good. Sometimes we need a mini-vacation from our daily lives in which imagination plays a vital role. I fully support those daily flights of fancy that rejuvenate a tired soul. Maybe a walk in the woods or some quiet time just sitting and daydreaming. Maybe even a little reverie in which our loved ones are our handbags. A little consumerish, maybe, but it’s your fantasy! So, your boyfriend is of good quality and easy to haul around but he won’t hold your cellphone, etc.? I suggest next time he’s draped on your arm to go shopping or see some vapid Rom-Com, you consider his imagination. He may be thinking of something supple with a good bottom as well. And, I guarantee you, strap length is not that important to him. My suggestion: direct your imagination to who he is and away from what he can carry. Oh, and men are not beach bags either. Or clutches. Before you go there.

Best,

Dave

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Rösle Can Opener, $42.00

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Dear Dave is a series in which I address poor reviews of pricey consumer goods in the advice column tradition of Dear Abby or Dear Sugar.  Aren’t most online reviews a cry for help, anyway?

Dear Dave,

Not worth it!

It worked great when I bought the can opener, looks nice. Was easy to use. Lasted 7 mo. Less than a year. I hate it! Knob is tight. pops and clicks when TRYING to turn the tight knob. No justice. Still have it using up space in drawer. I can’t through it away cause I spent to much $ for it. I’m hoping in my dreams it will work one of these days. Haha. Decided to buy a stainless steel Cuisinart electric opener, that cost as much as this hand held opener. Still love to shop at Williams Sonoma. One bad apple is not keeping me away.

Frustrated

Yorba Linda, CA

 

Dear Frustrated,

Are you aware there is a honeymoon period for any new love?  It’s necessary for human procreation.  People look nice and they’re easy to be around, things pop and click without even TRYING.  For awhile.  Then comes the work.  Here’s the blunt truth, Frustrated.  There is no justice in love.  It is a leap into the void, following a heart that knows no logic, only desire.  After that honeymoon, you gave it 7 months and he still won’t open up, despite your straining!  How much longer can you TRY to open that can?  How much longer can he take up precious room in your “drawer”?  He doesn’t want you opening that can and seeing (smelling!) his inner Dinty Moore Beef Stew.  That’s no substitute for real beef stew, and you know it!  I love your spirit but I might consider another “shopping” place.  This Williams Sonoma scene sounds played out.  Your bitter, “Haha”, makes me think you know it, too.  One bad apple can quickly turn into two and then we’re looking at a bushel of bad apples and then you’re in your forties and then, let’s face it, it’s over.  With your fierce spirit and independence from the rules of grammar it would be a shame to open THAT can of worms.

Best,

Dave

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Dear Dave: Le Creuset Tea Kettle, $84.99

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Dear Dave is a series in which I address poor reviews of pricey consumer goods in the advice column tradition of Dear Abby or Dear Sugar.  Aren’t most online reviews a cry for help, anyway?

Dear Dave,

I have been a fan of Le Creuset cookware for many years now. I have, unfortunately, noticed a steady decline in product quality over the past 3-4 years, mostly in the items that are no longer made in France.

This tea kettle feels poorly constructed, the spout feels as if it will break by the years end & is not easy to flip open/closed. The lid does not fit very well, steam escapes from the lid area with each use. My biggest concern however is the fact that boiling water surges out despite very careful & gentle pouring.
It is a shame, I was really looking forward to this tea kettle, as I received it as a wedding registry gift.

 Disappointed with this one

Burbank, Ca

Dear Disappointed,

I think we all know what it’s like to be disappointed when the “product” we fell in love with some years ago starts to let us down.  However, you’re not a kid anymore and must start to realize that people evolve as they age.  Things don’t fit like they used to and that heat just doesn’t have the outlets like when we were younger.  Be grateful that the passion still boils and doesn’t just simmer.  The aging body, while poorly constructed, barely contains this urgent physics-like need to escape.  It’s up to you to provide a willing outlet or that boiling fluid will find a new place to flow.  That “gift” you appreciated on your honeymoon in France may be gone but perhaps it can be located again, if you know where to look.  Perhaps you should be less gentle and careful and let that passion flow all over you, like it used to.  It’s flowing anyway, despite your caution!  Time to throw caution to the wind, Disappointed, lest your “product” finds a new cup of tea.

Best,

Dave

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